Attachment Issues

That's right. I have them. But with who? Well it's not with my friends. And it's not with my boyfriend. It's not even with my family. Though I do like being attached to them. It's with Oprah Winfrey. A rich, famous black woman you might ask? What does she have to do with a poor white college woman? 

Well, like my friends she's always there to provide me with a good laugh. She has been there to provide me with relationship advice (so that the boyfriend sticks around). Like my parents, she has always known the right thing to say when I need to hear it the most. Her show has taught me how to be appreciative for the things that I do have. That it is possible to become a spiritual person. That there is always someone that has a story to be told, and that I should be the one to listen.

She has made me laugh, cry, and everything in between. I point to her as one of the big influences in my choice to become a teacher. She showed me that you can make a difference no matter how small the change. I truly can't wait until I have my own classroom and I can change their lives the way that I think Oprah changed mine. 

A lot of people laugh at me when I say I watch Oprah. A lot of people don't agree with what she has to say. A lot of people roll their eyes when I say that I saw something on Oprah. Of course I did. I've watched a lot of her episodes. 

And now all of a sudden, she's gone. She'll have a network, which is all fine and dandy. But I need her to sit in my living room and help me live my life. I have friends and family that will always be there to give me advice, but who can say it better then Oprah? 

Now I've got to learn from one of my life's greatest teachers and starting teaching to others. Let the journey begin.

Surprise!!!

Geoffrey came to visit! He didn't even tell me he was coming or anything. It was a SURPRISE! Now, I LOVE surprises. Most people don't like to be surprised. I love it. I am a big planner, got to know what's going on kind of a person, but if a surprise comes along, I don't really care what the plan is. That is if it's a good surprise. If it's a sad or annoying surprise, I usually cry (it's an involuntary reaction) and then I say no thank you. However, good surprises make me smile :) 

G was supposed to be going to the beach with his buddies from NJ this weekend but changed his mind and decided to come hang out with his much cooler and better looking friend, me. He had told me that he was going to order me dinner (something that he does like a date night when we're not together). He told me to go pick it up in 25 minutes. Well ten minutes later, in walks a stranger to my abode. My roommates have no reaction. I can't see the door and have a mini panic attack because everyone is there, no one should just be walking in the door. Turn, Geoffrey! It was wonderful. 

He only stayed the night because he was going to hang with his homies, yep I said it, that had just graduated. But it was one of the best surprises because I was really missing him and just needed a G hug. One of the best surprises yet. That's got me thinking. I should detail some other surprises that have happened to me in the past. Before I forget. But they were so good I probably won't for a really long time! 

The Worst

As I lay here in my big old bed, which I'm visiting for only a couple of days, trying vigorously to get to bed, I have come up with yet another conclusion. I am the worst.

After having that realization, I threw myself a little pity party and then tried to figure out why exactly I was that way. I've narrowed it down to a couple of main points and they go like this:

1.  I am the worst daughter. I often feel like I'm using my parents and I don't truly show them how thankful I am. I really do appreciate all that they do for me every day and all that I have because of them. I didn't even give my mom a freaking Mother's Day card. Why didn't I just spend the 3 bucks to show her that I care even a little. 
2. I am the worst girlfriend. I feel like I don't put as much effort in to my relationship as I should, especially because it is going through the strain of long distance right now. When I talk to Geoff, I often find myself not really listening, and being half-hearted about my conversation. I'm constantly straddling the line between too passive and too clingy, and I know that he senses it. I miss him so much and I know he knows it, but I really can't express how difficult it is for me. 
3. I am the worst friend. Again with the half-heartedness. I really try to be attentive and let go of the little things but I often find myself making the little things BIG and letting them influence my relationships. I want to be a good friend. I'm working my hardest to be the person that people want to talk to. But how can I make them want to talk?
4. I am the worst child of God. When I lay down at night, I say a prayer. Every night, I find myself in the middle of my prayer off on a random thought. That is no way to thank God and show him how truly blessed I feel. I need to devote more of my energy to service and less to my own thoughts. 

I know that I'm not really the worst. But aren't we all our own harshest critic?